Recently, I was advising someone involved in a major disagreement with their parent organisation. They were so incandescent that people who had worked with them over many years no longer seemed to agree with their every viewpoint. More than that, they seemed to continuously push back and disagree vehemently. They believed that the pushback and detailed questioning were indicators of a lack of trust and disrespect, rather than that their input over the years had helped their colleagues think for themselves.
Things had become so confrontational that a “clearing of the air” meeting had been organised. I was asked the question, “What mindset do I go into the meeting with?” My response was that they needed to enter the meeting with the right perspective. Of course, that was a rhetorical statement requiring further elaboration. My advice. Be careful about these common characteristics of disagreements.
Lack of perspective
In entering challenging or complex meetings, the mantra of prepare, prepare, prepare is essential. Getting a balanced and objective perspective might not be easy, but neither should it require starting all over again and wiping the slate clean metaphorically. Sometimes all it takes is a subtle shift in perspective, an opening of the mind, an intentional pause and reset, or a new route to start to see new options and possibilities.
Simple questions like this often help:
- What is the objective of this meeting?
- What would a good result be, not only for me but for the group of people that I’m meeting with?
- What am I missing here?
- Am I seeing the full picture?
- Listening to those around me?
- Have I been in a situation like this before?
- What would my mentor say?
Compromise may be possible, but seldom does it bring lasting resolution, in my opinion.
Beware of bear traps
These are the bear traps that lie hidden in the undergrowth of most human disagreements. A presumption is something you think is true before you know any facts about the matter. An assumption is something you think is true when you miss information and think you have it.
The difference can be extremely subtle. Beware of oversimplification. For example. It’s going to rain. I need to take an umbrella with me. It didn’t rain yesterday, so why would it rain today?
Sometimes confrontation and clearing the air have a quite remarkable effect on taking relationships to a deeper, more mutually enhancing level.
How can perspective help?
Clearly, what was needed here was that my client needed a wider focus and a fresh perspective. A very genuine meeting of minds and the guts to speak honestly and respectfully to the opinions of others.
An opening question like, “I think I may be guilty of some presumptions and assumptions here. It would help me to see things through your eyes.”
This thought grenade can be disarming but equally clarifying. In so doing, the meeting takes on a completely different tone, with the genuine possibility of recalibrating the relationship and emerging with an even stronger client relationship.
Sometimes confrontation and clearing the air have a quite remarkable effect on taking relationships to a deeper, more mutually enhancing level.
The relationship can move far beyond a transaction into a mutually enhanced partnership.
Surely a far better result.
